Helping Children Say Goodbye

Deciding whether to have your child present during a pet’s euthanasia is a deeply personal choice. This page will guide you in understanding how children of different ages process loss, how to talk to them about euthanasia, and what to consider when making this decision. Every family is unique, and we’re here to support you in whichever choice feels right for you and your child.

How Children Understand
& Cope with Pet Loss

Toddlers

Ages 2 - 4

At this stage, children have a limited understanding of death and may not grasp its permanence. They may expect their pet to return or ask repeatedly where the pet has gone. Parents should be prepared for repetitive questions as toddlers process information. A simple, honest approach works best. Avoid phrases like "went to sleep" as they can cause confusion or fear. Instead, saying something like "[Pet’s name] was very sick, and their body stopped working. We will miss them, but they are not coming back" provides clarity. Offering comfort and reassurance while acknowledging their feelings of sadness is important. Young children can still participate in meaningful ways. They might find comfort in drawing pictures of their pet, looking at photos, or sharing happy memories. A small farewell ritual, such as lighting a candle or placing a favorite toy in a special place, can also be helpful.

Preschoolers & Early Elementary

Ages 5 - 7

Children in this age group begin to understand that death is final but may not yet grasp that it happens to all living beings. Parents may notice that their child experiences fears about their own health or that of family members. Some may even experience guilt or magical thinking, wondering if something they did caused their pet to pass away. It’s important to reassure them that they did nothing wrong. A clear and gentle explanation, such as "[Pet’s name] was very old/sick, and their body could no longer work. We did everything we could to keep them comfortable," helps children understand without unnecessary distress. Encouraging emotional expression and validating their feelings will help them cope with their grief. Children in this stage can be involved in meaningful ways, such as helping choose a special resting place for their pet’s ashes or a memory box. They may also find comfort in writing a letter or drawing a picture to say goodbye. Sharing a story about a happy memory can be a great way to celebrate the pet’s life.

Older Children

Ages 8 - 12

Older children understand that death is permanent and may have more complex emotional reactions, including sadness, anger, or withdrawal. They may ask more direct and in-depth questions about euthanasia or the afterlife. Parents should be prepared for curiosity and a need for details, as well as a possible desire to be involved in the process. Honest and open communication is key. Saying, "[Pet’s name] was suffering, and we made the decision to let them pass peacefully so they wouldn’t be in pain anymore," acknowledges the difficulty of the situation while reinforcing the love and care given to the pet. Encouraging children to express their emotions without judgment allows them to process grief in their own way. They may want to be more actively involved in the goodbye process. Some may choose to be present for the euthanasia, while others might prefer to write a tribute, such as a poem or letter. Planting a tree or flower in memory of their pet can be a comforting ritual as well.

Teenagers

Ages 13 - 18

Teenagers experience grief similarly to adults but may process it privately or express emotions in unexpected ways. They might question mortality and fairness, or even appear detached. Parents should expect a range of emotions, including anger, avoidance, or deep sadness. Some teens may want to handle their grief independently, while others may seek guidance. Open and honest conversations are crucial. Instead of forcing discussions, let them know that you’re there for support. Validating their emotions and reminding them that there’s no "right" way to grieve can be reassuring. Encouraging them to express their grief in a way that feels right to them—whether through talking, journaling, or creating a tribute—can be helpful. Teenagers might choose to create a photo album or video tribute, attend the euthanasia process, or talk with a trusted friend or counselor. Allow them to take the lead on how they want to remember their pet while offering gentle support along the way.

Should Children Be Present for Euthanasia?

Deciding whether a child should be present for euthanasia depends on their age, emotional maturity, and personal comfort level. For children under the age of five, it is generally discouraged, as they may not fully understand what is happening and could find the experience distressing. Additionally, very young children naturally look to their parents for comfort when they sense distress, which may make it difficult for parents to be fully present with their beloved pet in its final moments. Parents should have the opportunity to focus on providing love and reassurance to their pet without needing to divide their attention. Instead, younger children can say goodbye in ways that are meaningful to them, such as spending extra time with their pet beforehand, looking at pictures, or participating in a small remembrance ritual at home.

Older children may express a desire to be present, and it is important to prepare them by explaining the process in age-appropriate terms. Letting them know that their pet will be peaceful and free from pain can provide reassurance. It may also be helpful to discuss what they can expect during the procedure, including how the pet will appear relaxed and unresponsive. Some children may want to hold or comfort their pet in those final moments, while others may prefer to observe from a distance. Parents should encourage them to make a decision that feels right for them.

However, if a child chooses not to be present, they should be reminded that their love and bond with their pet are not diminished. They can still participate by writing a letter to be read aloud, drawing a picture, or helping create a memorial after their pet has passed. Some children find comfort in keeping a special item that belonged to their pet, such as a collar or a favorite toy, as a way to maintain a connection. Regardless of their choice, it is essential for parents to provide a safe space for their emotions and grief, reassuring them that however they choose to say goodbye is okay.

Dr. Yamamoto's Perspective

Deciding whether your child should be present during your pet’s euthanasia is a personal choice that depends on their age, understanding, and emotional readiness. If your child is older, has been part of conversations about your pet’s illness, and expresses a desire to be there, their presence can provide closure. If they prefer not to be present, they can still say their goodbyes afterward in a way that feels right for them.

Children under five often struggle to grasp the permanence of death. In our experience, parents of young children may find it difficult to focus fully on their pet’s final moments while also comforting their child.

Dr. Yamamoto personally chose not to have her children present when they were very young, allowing them to say their goodbyes beforehand. When her children were elementary ages, her and her husband agreed that it was best for the kids not to be present during the euthanasia of two other pets. Her children are now in their teenage years, and at this point she plans to give them the option as to whether they want to be present for future euthanasia of their family pets.

Every family and child is different, and you know your child best. We welcome children during the euthanasia process and will support you in guiding them through it. We also provide a handout with tips on discussing pet loss with children, how they may grieve at different ages, and recommended books and websites to help them through this experience.

Helping Children Through the Conversation and Grief

When speaking to children about the loss of a pet, honesty and sensitivity are key. Using simple and clear language prevents confusion, and avoiding euphemisms like "went to sleep" can help them better understand the situation. It’s important to acknowledge their emotions, whether they feel sadness, anger, or even relief if their pet was suffering. Creating a safe and open space where they can talk about their feelings without pressure helps them process their grief in their own time.

Reassuring children that their pet was deeply loved and had a good life can bring comfort. Encouraging them to express their grief in ways that feel natural to them—whether through drawing, writing, storytelling, or creating a memorial—can help them cope. Every child grieves differently, so allowing them to find their own way while providing gentle guidance is essential. Grieving together as a family and sharing memories of the pet can help everyone navigate this difficult time with love and support.

Losing a pet is one of the hardest experiences a family can face, but it also offers an opportunity to teach children about love, compassion, and the natural cycle of life. By supporting them through this grief with honesty and empathy, parents help their children develop resilience and an appreciation for the time they shared with their beloved pet.